All families have their issues, but some deal with much bigger problems. Things like addiction, neglect, and mental health problems can seriously damage relationships between family members. But is this damage irreparable? Reconciliation is a two-way street, and it requires a lot of effort from all parties. If your family member reaches out seeking to make amends, here are some things to consider as you attempt to reconnect, courtesy of United Caring Association Reviews.
Try Empathy
Contrary to what many believe, empathy is not about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s about listening and trying to see the world as the other person does. Even as adults, the children of addicts remember the disappointment they experienced standing in front of the school waiting for a parent that never came, or looking out in the audience for a parent who never showed up for school plays or championship basketball games.
But addiction is a serious disease. Try listening to your parent’s experiences. You can also help them seek out free substance abuse treatment, as well. Empathy won’t erase the pain of being disappointed, but it might help you to see those experiences through your mom or dad’s eyes. Understanding that the problem wasn’t about you may begin to lay a foundation for forgiveness and growth.
The same effects hold true for other issues. Mental illnesses can cause people to act in ways that are outside of their control. And even issues like neglect are often more complicated than they appear. These problems often create a dysfunctional dynamic that can play out as children grow into adults. They may have even led to estrangement over time. But if your parent is reaching out now, try listening. Seeing the experiences as they saw them may help you to understand your past and create a new future with your family.
Understand Issues Common with Aging
Not all familial problems begin during the childhood years. It’s possible that your parent’s addiction or mental illness is related to aging. Substance abuse isn’t unusual among senior citizens. In fact, a variety of factors contribute to its prevalence in this age group, including grief and loneliness, as well as prescription abuse. Seniors may struggle with limited mobility along with chronic pain. In order to deal with the physical or emotional distress, they sometimes turn to drugs and alcohol. They may take more of their prescription medicine than what is recommended, take prescription pills belonging to someone else, or drink excessively.
Mental health issues can also begin or become more severe with age. Mental decline associated with dementia and Alzheimers can cause new strain on family relationships or cause old wounds to surface. According to the Alzheimer Society, engaging with a family member with dementia can lead to grief, stress, and anger, which can make communication challenging.
Talk Openly
If they are reaching out, talk with your estranged parent about the past and how you felt when you were disappointed. Be honest about your feelings, but also be willing to listen. Open communication can help resolve differences so you can move forward in your relationship. You may even want to consider seeking therapy either separately or with your parent. Some therapists even conduct telehealth appointments, which is great if you and your parent do not live nearby. A neutral third party is often helpful at helping people pause to listen, as well as express their feelings.
Reasons to Forgive
Forgiving your parent can alleviate the anger and sadness that you have carried for many years. According to Healthline, forgiveness also helps you to move on and leave behind the negative emotions that can damage you physically and emotionally. Ultimately, it paves the way for rebuilding a relationship with your parent.
If you have a parent who has hurt you, it is understandable to be wary of letting them back into your life. Painful memories and hurt feelings are still very much a part of you. But there are ways to overcome this pain and reconnect. By learning how to forgive and communicating with your parent, you can start a new chapter in your life – one where you are no longer overwhelmed by the memories of your parent’s struggles, but relieved to forge and rebuild a connection.
United Caring Association Reviews is here to help you and your loved ones live more healthily. Questions? Feel free to email info@unifiedcaring.org.